July 9, 2007
CYBERSPACE -- Technophiles are hailing the latest piece of gadgetry to be released. The much awaited iJerk makes its debut today.
The device will offer nearly unlimited portability and accessability to email, text messages and media, such as music and movies.
"this thing rocks!!!" wrote one purchaser, who responded to inquiries via email while sitting in my office.
"With my new iJerk, I might not have to have an actual conversation again," said one anonymous poster on a blog about the product.
"i type therefore i am," wrote one purchaser of the new product, "my girlfriend and i love to sit in the living room and text dirty messages to each other we call it 'sexting' the ijerk will allow us to take our relationship to the next level i can't wait for the new plug-ins."
"I'm sorry, what?" said one purchaser of the new device in response to face-to-face requests for an interview. "Just send me an email or something," he added
"Some dude got all mad at me on the subway for something the other day, but I wasn't about to take my earbuds out," said A. Yupster, "I was listening to Boyskout on my iJerk. They rock!"
"my kidz felt neglected because of my smartphone . . . but now that i got the iJerk, i don't really care," wrote one individual known only by his screen name, J3R|<, "my wife said that we just had our third last summer, and I can't wait 'til he learns to type . . . i hope he's a really good texter."
Given the device's myriad capabilities, regular conversation might become unnecessary, and some believe the gadget is one step on the path to Nerdvana, an enlightened state in which one exists only in the etheral world of cyberspace. "i was in my office the other day, and somone came in. i suspect that they were trying to communicate with me by making sounds with their mouth," wrote D00FU5, "it was just so crude and barbaric. i was disgusted."
reported in jest by John Eischeid