February 23, 2007
NEW YORK, NY -- New York's bravest and finest were dispatched on an errant call to a church near Washington Square recently, after a local resident reported a fire. The resident, Phyllis H. Dotage, made the call after she and her husband heard nearby youngsters discussing a concert taking place that same night.
"I heard all these kids talking about going to see the arcade fire. They seemed like such nice boys that I couldn't imagine them just standing by, much less being so excited to watch," said Mrs. Dotage, who has lived in the neighborhood for forty-five of her ninety-two years.
Police and firefighters evacuated the venue, Judson Memorial Church, shortly after the band, named Arcade Fire, began playing, at approximately 9:00 p.m. Attendees were later allowed back in, after it had been determined that there was no emergency. Most withstood the wait in the cold to hear the band.
"Good thing they didn't take my flask," said one audience member as he took a sip "just to warm up a little" while waiting outside.
The show was part of a five-run show at the church and is in promotion of the band's new full-length release, Neon Bible.
"I don't know whose idea it was to put an arcade in that church, but they ought to be stopped," said Mrs. Dotage's husband, Rufus Dotage, "It's just blasphemy, and all those instruments, they ought to call it a carnival."
Firefighters and police said that many evacuees were upset, but any possible incident was quickly diffused. Police did search members of the audience and the band for illegal drugs. To the dismay of some, the police found nothing. The searches follow an earlier incident last spring in which a member of another popular music ensemble, Broken Social Scene, was arrested and allegedly beaten for attempting to purchase marijuana in the vicinity.
"Arcade Fire rocks!" said Stan E. Hipergig, who had just been strip-searched, "Pedantic-ass cops!"
While Police admitted that the couple did cause a disruption, no charges have been filed against them. "They just don't know, and frankly, I think they still don't," said one Police officer after explaining the incident to the couple. He continued, "They're like those guys in Boston who've never heard of Aqua Teen Hunger Force."
reported in jest by John Eischeid