NEW YORK - The lives of hundreds of gifted youths are at stake as the United States warned a summer camp for gifted youth to halt its enrichment programs.
Camp Bongard, located in upstate New York, has been warned repeatedly to halt its enrichment program. The camp, however, has continued to offer its students the chance to improve their abilities to learn, analyze and make informed decisions.
The White House warned that such independent research and open discussion weaken the power of the executive.
"The gifted youth are being taught to do extensive factual research and to think for themselves," said Vice President Richard Cheney, “They are clearly a grave threat to people everywhere and to the power of the executive.”
“It’s a slam dunk,” said former CIA Directory George Tenet of the intelligence used to conclude that the camp is enriching gifted youth. “No, seriously, we have aerial photographs of a tall math prodigy on the basketball court,” he added.
Counselors for the camp claim that the White House has limited the scope of negotiations so much as to make them meaningless.
“We received a letter, which explicitly excluded all replies other than ‘OK,’ so we really have nowhere to start,” said Carl Trounoes.
Despite the threat of attack from the White House, the camp’s students remain unfazed. Tate Fischer, who is there to study relativity and game theory, said, “The administration’s neglect of simple supply chain efficiencies during the first three months of the Iraq war leaves me confident that I will be able to survive the duration of any preliminary assault on only the rations of water, saltines and peanut butter in my bunk, which is located sufficiently far from the camp entrance as to make it unreachable by this administration's inept strategies.”
The White House simply replied, "What?"
reported in jest by John Eischeid
